My Christmas Gift

Every year I set out with great goals regarding how much I’m going to volunteer for worthy causes, how much money I’m going to give to help those in need and how much less I am going to consume in an effort to help the environment… Well, like all resolutions, I could do better.

But there is one thing that I do on a fairly regular basis – I donate blood. This is quite the donation, it requires you to be healthy and above a certain age and weight. You can’t have a cold, you can’t have been to Africa recently or Europe for more than 5 years. You can’t have taken certain medications, etc. There are a lot of hurdles to pass but I go through them because this is something I can do to make a difference, to help others.

My blood type is O+, I am the universal blood donor, everyone can take my blood. Plus I am something called Cytomegalovirus negative, which means that newborns and cancer patients can take my blood.

I wasn’t sure what Cytomegalovirus was or why it was supposedly so rare. All I knew is that the Red Cross has told me that’s what I am and that they really really want my blood because of it. So, not knowing, I looked it up.

Here’s a brief definition: Between 50% and 80% of adults in the United States are infected with CMV by 40 years of age.  Cytomegalovirus is a member of the herpes virus family, which includes herpes simplex viruses and the viruses that cause Chicken Pox (VZV/Varicella Zoster Virus) and infectious mononucleosis (Epstein Barr Virus). According to: http://accessclinical.com/cytomegalovirus.aspx?gclid=CNz93bHz6J4CFSgVagodb1L1_g

Wow. Now you know a lot about me. Very personal. I hope this doesn’t become awkward between us.

My arm, bandaged after my donation

Who knew this was such a prevalent disease? 50 – 80% is pretty high. So I guess I’m pretty lucky. But this blog is not about CMV. It’s about the Christmas gift I feel best about giving this year. The one that you know no one is going to ask for the receipt for in order to return it. The gift you know they really will be happy to receive. The gift that really does keep on giving. And I’m proud to be giving it, not just now, during the holidays, but as often as I can.

So though I may have a long way to go to get to that place where I feel comfortable about my philanthropy but it’s a start and a start that I really like.

I wish you all happy holidays. Thank you for reading my blog this year, my first year as a blogger. I look forward to writing for your reading pleasure in 2010. Happy next decade!

Best,
Zena

The Story of Stuff

How ironic is it that last week I blogged about struggling through my consumer oriented holiday shopping and then this week I saw this: http://storyofstuff.org?

This is a twenty minute documentary about where all the stuff we buy comes from, who makes it and how it’s made.

So I settle in to watch the movie with my skeptical pants on because I’ve seen a lot of ultra preachy films on being eco friendly and pretentious ones about not eating your weight in meat per day. And that can get to be a bit much, even when I agree with what they’re saying.

But I was instantly sucked in by this film. It’s not preachy and it’s not pretentious. And after watching it I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Follow me on my train of thought, if you will…

I like to buy stuff. I like to have the latest and greatest in electronics and fashion. I want to keep up with Joneses, even though there is a big part of me that fully rejects the idea of being concerned with such things as fashion, having the latest and greatest and buying into the notion of name brands. And why should I even care what the Joneses are doing? What makes me think their taste is so great? They probably listen to R. Kelly and put out human-sized waving Santa Clauses on their lawn every December 1.

From there I start to wonder about this discrepancy between what I want and what I think is right. I start thinking about the way I’ve been indoctrinated since earliest childhood to focus on not just consumption, but very specifically guided consumption.

I love watching television. And I know that I am being sold something at every moment, not just during the commercials, but in the shows themselves. That’s called product integration and as a writer I’ve even done product integration passes on screenplays I’ve written in order to help producers get money to make the films from the makers of the products I’ve mentioned. So I’m aware of the process and what’s going on and I think I’m above it all and yet… and yet… I’ve fallen victim to it to such an extent that I hadn’t even realized how deeply indoctrinated I am.

So I’ve decided I want to change my mindset from that of an avid consumer to that of a person who is able to happily do without all this stuff. Except for my iPhone, of course. And my computer. And… well, it’s going to take a long time, even though I have long known that the corporations that produce the stuff I buy are engaged in practices that I don’t condone, from polluting my environment to using the money they earn from me to support causes and ideals that I do not agree with. The best I can do is take it one product at a time and ask myself if I really need it and if I really want the people who make it to have my money.

And that will have to go for holiday presents too, but next year. Yep, I’m definitely starting next year.

In the meantime, I’ll go back and watch this documentary every time I need to be reminded of the ideals I’d like to call my own because knowing that things are wrong is half the battle, right, G.I. Joe? Although, I wouldn’t be able to watch the documentary again without my computer, so… hmmmm. Maybe we need some of the evils to help make things right. Or maybe I’m just looking for an excuse to keep the things I want to keep.

The Holidays are upon us!

I’m beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by my holiday shopping; I want to get everyone exactly what they want and I want to do it on a budget, so it’s quite a balancing act.

After a day of contemplating my list I was feeling very tired as I sat down to write my blog and that’s when I was visited by an old alter ego of mine, Captain Cynical. Captain Cynical very kindly offered to write this week’s blog for me and, seeing that there was a new episode of How I Met Your Mother on the DVR, I agreed.

(Click here to listen to this song as you read the blog –>) ride_of_the_valkyries (Once you click on the song link it will take you to another window to play. When the song starts playing come back to this window to read the blog.)

Nothing is certain but death, taxes and holiday shopping, right? I’m pretty sure that’s a direct quote from Santa, or maybe someone who runs the government and decides such things for all of us.

Today’s blog is an honest, come on, we know it’s true, assessment of the holiday shopping season and our place in the corporate dollar re-distribution machine. We’ve been groomed from birth to outwit, out-shop and out-give each other. So let the games begin and may the one who spends the least amount of money on the fewest people feel guilty all year long.

First, a gentle reminder, dear friends: As we charge headlong into another inevitable holiday season we should make sure not to run over our slower moving brethren on the way to the cash register.

Charge!

We all know that Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus and whatever the Scientologists do are not about how good or bad we’ve been all year, but about how grand a spectacle we can put on, how extravagantly we can outdo our family members, neighbors and friends with our gift giving and decorating prowess.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

So as we rush out to crush the competition, let us take a moment and be thankful for the available credit to buy the best that the malls have to offer and be thankful that we own the right Kitchenaid mixer to manufacture treats that make our loved ones exclaim in ecstacy and be thankful for our Dorito-nourished legs, which allow us to beat the competition to the hottest toys.

Santa Never Imagined This Tree

May your dinner table put Martha to shame, may your gift wrapping bring your gifts’ recipients to tears of amazement and gratitude and may the gifts inside bring you no shortage of joy that you and you alone thought of the most wonderful, perfect gift ever. No one can possibly outdo you. And if they do, may you have the fortitude to never let them know.

Once you’ve shopped, baked, wrapped and bestowed your kindness on all of your loved ones and those you feel obligated to shop for because they got you something last year, take a moment to sit back and take a look at what those people have gotten you. Hopefully they have given you gifts that show they were thinking of you with happiness and affection. Because while we may be perfection machines, it is of the utmost importance that our loved ones never become soulless automatons who shop just to make the point that they are worth loving. I mean, really. That’s just what Chase and Citibank want. No, no, best they leave the heavy lifting to you, gentle reader, a person strong enough to know the difference between the art and commerce of holiday shopping, a person who will always stay true to the art of being the best holiday provider ever.

Me, I’m getting them all gift certificates to Target.

Onward Christmast Soldiers! Shop away!

- Your Bestie, Captain Cynical

The National Novel Writing Month Aftermath

Last week I wrote you my very special anti-thankful Thanksgiving brew. I know you all appreciated my heads up on United Airlines’ fantastic people skills but you were no doubt thinking to yourself, “Wait! Self, I thought this was the  month of writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days! What’s going on with that?”

Well, the month has ended and I did not hit that magical 50,000 word mark. One of my friends did and I tip my hat to him. As for me, I got buried in work, other projects and fine family time and I fell behind, way behind.

My final count was just over the 16,000 word mark. But never fear, the very act of writing the novel and thinking on my feet for it all the time got the wheels spinning and even when I wasn’t able to write I’ve had the story on my brain. It’s managed to take shape and become clearer in my mind and I will continue to write it now that the competition is over.

Thank you for following along with me as I attempted this endeavor. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving full of loved ones and great food. I got a lot of baking done, a lot of eating accomplished and I had a wonderful time with an old friend I don’t see nearly often enough.

Kristie Fitzgerald & me at The Hotel in Newfoundland, PA

Now it’s onward to another set of holidays, more family and a whole new year. And next year I’ll hit that 50,000 word mark!

Ah, see? When cute kids hold the number up it doesn't look so big, does it?

Happy Thanksgiving!

The holidays are here! It’s a time to enjoy family, hopefully a little time off from work and a time to shop for more things for others to be thankful for.

It’s also a very stressful time. We’ve got great expectations of what will be and should be over the holidays. Many of us are traveling from here to there and our sheer numbers in tight places make everything a wee bit more difficult. Sometimes we even forget about being thankful for each other and we slip into a wee bit of holiday rage. You know, that time when we may yell at a fellow traveler for taking up too much overhead bin space or trample our neighbor in an effort to the get that special Black Friday deal.

I love spending time with family for the holidays, but I am not a big fan of the traveling. For some reason United Airlines thinks it’s funny to repeatedly lose our luggage. Last year over Christmas our suitcase was delivered to us after 5 days, right before we turned around to fly back home. Well worth the $15 each way we paid to have it flown to Pennsylvania in the first place.

This time we flew directly to Pennsylvania from Los Angeles, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. I really did think to myself, “what could possibly go wrong?”

Our bags were delayed. It’s a sad and lonely feeling when you’re standing at the baggage carousel, watching the bags come out and twirl around on the belt. The people you flew in with are collecting their luggage and going off to have their adventures while you continue to stand there, waiting. Finally the belt stops and you are alone, still waiting for a bag that isn’t coming.

In this particular instance it only took just over one full day for our baggage to arrive but we were put through the wringer by United’s baggage claim staff while waiting. There were several times I caught them lying to me and when I called them on it they’d punish me by placing me on hold for increasingly long periods of time. Finally, I heard from the delivery company that United contracts to and after being told all day that the delivery company is unreachable by the public I was informed that they are public and they were shocked to hear that I was told by United that I could not contact them. The reason why, I learned from the delivery company, was that my luggage had only just arrived with them, which was in direct opposition to what I was told throughout the day by United.

So here you read me telling you that I caught United Airlines as a company, through their employees, lying to me and treating me badly. In order to give them their say I contacted them, told them I was writing this and asked if they would like to comment, promising to include it here. My response was a form letter telling me how to go about filing claims for delayed or damaged luggage. Should they reply in person at a later date I will place their response in the comments section.

The moral of the story, I believe, is that people will continue to be people, not always nice, often only looking out for themselves. Companies do the same to an even greater degree, but we continue to deal with it to get to spend time with the people we love.

That said, there’s no reason we should continue to put up with such treatment from the companies that rely on our patronage for their continued existence. We should demand better and if enough of us do it then they will treat us well and make that time we spend with our families even more precious.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The recurring dream I used to have

Years ago when I lived in San Francisco I used to have two versions of the same recurring dream about a tsunami hitting me.

In the first version of the dream the tidal waves would wash me off of the Bay Bridge as I attempted to escape from San Francisco before they reached shore. At the time I drove a very tiny silver Mazda 323 and I’d be washed off that bridge like an errant bean gets sprayed off a dirty plate. Before I could be tumbled into a raging ocean where I’d die by being crushed or by drowning I’d wake up in a panic.

San Francisco's Bay Bridge

In the second version of the dream I lived in a house right on the beach and the waves would rise up until they were hitting my windows and sliding glass doors. I’d watch them hit higher and higher until my house was under water and I was trapped inside it.

Those are both anxiety dreams and they pretty accurately express how I experience anxiety, as rising waves of worry that make it hard for me to breathe. And when I’m tense I tend not to breathe very deeply, if at all, sometimes holding my breath until I realize I’m light headed.

Even as these dreams would scare me silly I was also always fascinated by the raw power and beauty of the waves. As they’d come at me, my doom assured, I couldn’t help but watch them with awe and excitement. Weird, I know.

Since leaving San Francisco I haven’t had these dreams, but they’ve remained so clear and real in my mind, that today, years later, I’m making them the subject of a blog. Tsunamis are such a large and destructive force that there really is no stopping them. All you can do is enjoy the view, even though it’s likely the last view you will ever see. I equate the dreams with the way I still get overcome and awed by massive and overwhelming undertakings.

And that’s where I find myself at the start of week 3 of National Novel Writing Month. The 50,000 words seem do-able if daunting, but once you get into it you realize the huge breadth of writing involved. At this point I feel confident saying that I’m unlikely to finish by the November 30 deadline but I have gotten a great start on a novel and I am going to finish it. I have a great foundation and a great start and those are 2 things that I wouldn’t have right now without this fantastic jump starter.

Now I will watch in fascination as the story grows before my eyes and overcomes me, as stories always do. Though it might not hit completion by November 3o I know it will get there.

Week 2 of National Writing Month

It is now week 2 of national writing month and of my attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

The short story is that I’m a little bit behind but chugging along. The long story is that, geez! This is a lot of writing to do and I have a complete and very full life going on at the same time.

Those things said, I’m very happy with the way my novel is coming along and while I refuse to read it until it’s done because A) I have a 30 day deadline to meet and 2) I’ve learned through trial and error that reading it before it’s finished often leads to endless tinkering which results in not finishing it at all, making all my work for naught.

The people that put on this competition say that in the second week people begin to struggle under the weight of the sheer number of words in this competition but that by week 3 we’ll be rallying. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.

In the meantime I struggle to eke out time to write amidst work, acting stuff and my love of a good night’s sleep. I may not have reached the 16,670 words that I should have by the end of today, Tuesday, November 10 but I’m not out of the running yet. This morning I am at a still impressive for only 9 days of writing, 10,103 words.

With that I’m off to write more words that hopefully form coherent sentences and make sense.

Week One of National Novel Writing Month

Last week I told you I was going to be taking part in National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. It began on Sunday, November 1 and the goal is for all 150,000 adult and 35,000 kid participants to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

So what was I doing Sunday morning?

I woke up very early the day after Halloween and my story was percolating in my brain. Rather than enjoy the last few post dawn moments snuggled in the comfy bed of the Bed and Breakfast where Conor and I celebrated our 4th anniversary, I got up and started writing. I wrote 1,639 words in that sitting and it happened pretty fast.

I was exhilirated and inspired and I’m determined that I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t finish (just playing is really a lot of fun. You know, like how cool it is to just be nominated…) but given how well those first words came I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe I’ll get there…

Before we drove home on Sunday we stopped here, at Moonstone Beach in beautiful Cambria California. I’m now back in reality and hoping to finish the thing within 30 days. As of now (Tuesday morning) my word count is 2,782. I’ll keep you posted in the coming weeks.

I’m totally thinking about writing right now. Aren’t you?

The Gentle Art of Procrastination

Well, folks, I’ve put off writing this one for as long as I can. It’s a sensitive subject that isn’t fully recognized because of the stigma attached to it. And yet, so many of us suffer from it that I think it’s time to shine a light on it, tough as that may be.

That’s right, I’m talking about procrastination. Sure, we say we’re going to deal with it but we never seem to get around to it. There’s always one more thing to do first. I’ll freely admit to you right now that my house is never cleaner than when I have a writing deadline or a lot of lines to memorize.

Like many others, possibly even you, I have a painful story of struggle with procrastination, and I am so going to get around to telling you about it… sometime. This topic is so relatable that I fully expect that this blog entry alone will be optioned by Lifetime for a powerful movie of the week by the time you’ve finished reading it. Who knows? Maybe they’ll hire me to write the script for it. And I will, as soon as I clean the house, go grocery shopping, check facebook and get a good night’s sleep.

Here are some of the fun ways I procrastinate:

1. cleaning house

2. doing laundry

3. facebook

4. napping

5. grocery shopping

6. other errands that suddenly have to be done asap

7. organizing my office

8. calling friends

9. checking email, cnn.com, etc.

10. watching TV

11. watching my kitties do any of the many things that kitties do.

For me the only cure is a deadline. If I have to get it done by a certain date then sooner or later it’s going to get done, usually by that date. This is why I created a writer’s group with my friend Drea The Awesome. I knew that with my full time job and other time constraints the writing that was stirring up imagination tornadoes in my brain was not going to get written unless someone was impatiently expecting to see it. And that plan is working better than I’d hoped in that I am now a part of an incredibly talented group of fantastic and generous writers but the truth is that I still procrastinate like crazy and I squeeze the writing in to the very last minutes and then usually only do the minimum.

Procrastination is also the main reason this blog is published every week. If I didn’t have a deadline then you might not get any kind of regular posting here. I’ve been doing this blog for nearly a year and without Tuesday morning screaming at me there might not be more than a couple posts here. However, I’ve written some stuff I’m really proud and I’m so happy that I have this outlet and that I use it.

That’s a lot of stuff to get done! So now for the mother of all deadlines, I have signed up for National Novel Writing Month, which is where you go when you think you can actually write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days (that’s about 175 pages). My friend John broke it down to me like this: That’s only 1600 words per day. It’s definitely going to be a challenge and I won’t break my own kneecaps if I don’t finish but the challenge is going to be exhilhirating. I hope. It will probably also be a very frustrating struggle between staying on schedule and battling the procrastination monster. I’m not even worried about what I’m going to write about. The main thing is just to get it done. Everything else is gravy.

Should you decide to join me in this crazy endeavor you can sign up here and then let me know and we’ll tell each other to ‘get back to work!’ as needed. I’ll keep you all posted on how it’s going.

While putting off writing this blog I found this great article about how to make your procrastination work for you. Check it out, especially if you have more important things to do. I mean, this blog is only getting finished because I have a big writing deadline on something else.

What’s your best procrastination trick?

Intermission

With few exceptions Americans are among the busiest people on the planet (this statement is based on absolutely no research, I don’t have time for that!).

Being the busiest doesn’t necessarily mean that we are accomplishing the most, but we sure are busy.

I think we sometimes forget that too much of anything is not a good thing. Too much alcohol leads to a hangover, too much repetition of a word makes it lose it’s meaning and too much bailout money apparently makes you more corrupt.

The reason I’m thinking about this is because I’ve been running around as busy as a bee in honey marketing season and I’ve ended up worn out and suffering from the flu.

Getting sick is the body’s way of reminding us we need an intermission.

It’s a good reminder that balancing the hard work with a bit of downtime makes the hard work more productive. A personal trainer I know advocates a break from your workout regimen every time you hit a plateau. There you are, lifting weights, running in circles and getting ripped like Arnold Schwarzeneggar used to be before the muscle he flexed was merely political. Your muscles are working hard and getting fat egos from all the attention you’re showering on them but then, after a while, they get tired from all that growth and they keep on trying to get bigger so that you’ll approve of them but what they really need is a break. Once they get a little rest and perspective they are able to recover from all the hard work. Next thing you know, you’re back at the gym, you’re leaping off your plateau and sailing to new heights.

Similarly, most of us shrug off things like the flu and insist we can keep going. That not only drags out the sickness, it exposes others to it, spreading it farther and wider and eventually bringing it back to you.

If, instead, we take a day or two and do nothing we’ll likely heal faster and get back to work refreshed and with a renewed sense of purpose.

This is my new plan for dealing with an always lengthy to-do list. Everything in moderation. Get some work done, take a little break, get more work done. First, though, I have to kick the flu. So if you need me, I’ll be here:

Yes, please!

If you find yourself looking to test my theory about words losing their meaning with repetition, I suggest bubblegum, it’s a fun word so even when it has no meaning it will still sound hilarious coming out of your mouth.