This weekend we threw Conor a birthday party and here are a few of the things we did not expect to have happen:
A bunch of people just showed up and stared at us. I know, awkward, right? We weren't even naked but we felt like that nightmare where you wake up in a crowd of people and you're not wearing any clothes. You know the one.
Let’s not pretend we haven’t all feared this moment. I hadn’t even been to the gym all week. Gee willikers.
Some of them talked about us, thinking our backs were turned. Luckily I caught them with my handy dandy spy cam. Good thing I took that "You're not paranoid, they're really out to get you" class at LA Community College.
They could have been plotting anything. Scary, I know.
Someone brought a baby as hors d'ouvres but luckily only one person partook. Its not really classy to eat baby at an American BBQ. Just FYI, party fouler.
She did look tasty, though.
Just in case anyone was whispering that we were un-American we loaded up the grill and then photographed the evidence of our Americanity.
That’s a new term I invented: ‘Americanity’. Feel free to use it. Consider it a gift. Happy (what’s the holiday in August? Happy ‘too hot to think straight’ Day!)
Conor put on a brave face, pretended he was enjoying his birthday party. He's so strong. So strong.
I’m so proud he never fell into a fetal ball and cried. I mean, it was his party and he could have… if he’d wanted to.
Matt got corn stuck in his teeth. I didn't know how to tell him. These situations are always so uncomfortable...
Some people just automatically shoot the messenger.
Other than that, things were going well… until I saw this:
My sister Danielle making out with my husband!
Right in front of me!
Some people have no shame.
So, of course, here I look like a total toolbox.
I mean, really.
Even my friends were laughing at me.
Thankfully I had a blues singer on hand to sing it, sister.
You never know when you’re going to need Rachel Rizner and the Resonators. Best to keep them on hand at all times. I keep them in my pocket even though 3 people, a PA system, a drum kit and 2 guitars make me look fat in my pants.
I found solace in this mysterious fellow who exists in the Days in Between.
The Days in Between
See what I did there? That’s funny because its the name of a band but I implied he was, like, all interdimensional and whatnot.
I learned that trick from Amber. This is Amber.
Finally things took a turn for the better.
These guys totally thought I was normal and said that with the band on stage I looked half decent in my pants.
These guys totally masticated together, forming life long bonds of friendship. Though, still, no one told Matt about the corn he'd had in his teeth earlier.
Danielle to seek solace in the arms of the interdimensionally-abled.
And best of all:
Frank declared our grill to be 100% Americana and patriotic. Whew! Huge sigh of relief, right?
And so I served cake and much merry-making ensued. I guess all’s well that ends well, right?
Until the next shenanigan filled shindig, I bid you Adieu.